Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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