oh god the rape fog is back!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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