i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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