you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Randomize
