Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
