So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
