did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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