Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
