So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You are the jesus of drinking
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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