Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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