I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
