This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
