Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
