Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i out mim tonsoeep
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
