I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Randomize
