oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
