you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
