i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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