the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she looked like the before picture.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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