Need sex. Gaining weight.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
