By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
