Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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