Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
