Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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