so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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