Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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