i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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