Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
