So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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