its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
