i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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