Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
