Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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