She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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