so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
