I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
