I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
