some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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