I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
