Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
