I am puke
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
