we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
