maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
