Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
