Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
