Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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