Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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