I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
