I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
