TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
