Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
