Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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