You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
