I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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