just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
