I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
