with your own penis?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
