I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Please, let me fuck your mom
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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