how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
